Identity Theft

Mar 23, 2026

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Ok, before you sic the cyber-crimes squad on me, I’m not talking about stealing someone’s social security number, passwords, or banking data. In fact, the title may have been a bit sensationalistic. We’re not stealing anything.

But if you are unhappy with a part of your identity, simply settle on the identity you want- and take it.

I am a fan of a twice-daily conversation with yourself in the mirror while you brush your teeth.

In the morning- to set your intention for the day
In the evening- to check in on how you did.

I give this same recommendation to my students and advise them to commit each morning to doing the things that a Marine Raider does. By doing this, they are not guilty of ‘stolen valor,’ they are simply choosing to see themselves in the identity they want and acting accordingly. Or as the saying goes, dress for the job you want, not the one you have.

In James Clear’s Atomic Habits, he identifies the three types of goals we can set:

Adapted from James Clear’s Atomic Habits

Outcome-based goals focus on what you want the outcome to be: Weigh less, read more, get your dream job, etc.

Process-based goals focus on the changes you will make to achieve the outcome: track your diet, log your reading, or submit 3 applications per day.

Identity-based goals change your belief system: I’m the type of person who eats healthily, I’m a reader, or I’m an employee any company would love to hire.

Now, an identity-based goal can sound a lot like a wish, and as my grandmother used to say, “If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.”

Since we seldom get solicited for spare change from horseback, positive affirmations alone don’t seem to cut it.

But it is just as unlikely that you will change without changing the way you think about yourself.

When we act in a way that contradicts our mental model of ourselves, cognitive dissonance occurs. Our brains don’t like that.

We are self-limiting creatures. It is impossible to achieve more than you think you can, or be more successful than you believe you can be.

It’s tough to train for a ruck event if you don’t think of yourself as a rucker.
If you are a smoker who is trying to quit, you’re still a smoker.
If you say that you are the type of person who can never remember names, you’ve already given yourself permission to forget.

But if we can begin to change our mental model by shifting our identity, we can start to change from the inside out.

Rather than focusing on doing hard things, focus on becoming the type of person who does hard things.

Like Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.”

So, when you combine your new identity with an outcome goal and put process goals in place to keep you on track, you’ll look forward to brushing your teeth each morning and asking: